


A Name and a Prayer

by sothatsagoodthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel saying 'Dean', I need you, Love Confessions, M/M, kind of pre slash, kind of slash, oh chuck how do i tag?, sadness ahead - you have been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6809281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sothatsagoodthing/pseuds/sothatsagoodthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they rescue Cas from Lucifer, Dean vows to tell him exactly how he feels.<br/>But when they finally get Cas back, time is running short.<br/>Luckily, Cas has never needed more than a single word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Name and a Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction and I don't usually write in English, so any constructive criticism you can offer would very much appreciated! Honestly, any comments would make my day ;)  
> I hope you enjoy the story!

When they finally get Cas back, Dean will tell him everything.

Dean will never admit to picturing the moment, replaying it over and over, because the more he sees it, the more it feels like a memory as opposed to a dream. He chooses the words with infinite care in the sheltering dark of a series of sleepless nights, lying in the solitary dip at the edge of his memory foam mattress. And every time he lets the words roll off his imaginary tongue, it becomes easier to say them, requires less courage.

He’s waited far too long already to tell Cas these things and if he’d done it sooner, they might never have ended up here in the first place. That’s why he needs to have the words down perfectly, so he won’t waste any more time fumbling. 

It’s the only way he can get even a moment’s sleep these days, by rattling off his speech, as many times as he can, promising himself that he can still fix this. And he will. When they get Cas back.

But when they finally get Cas back, it’s with an archangel’s grace burning him out from the inside, Lucifer’s last malicious act in defiance of going quietly.  
When Cas’ limp body falls into Dean’s waiting arms and the hunter cradles his angel’s face in rusty hands, there is no time for a speech. And all of Dean’s chosen, polished words break apart like the surface of a frozen pond in spring.

When he finally gets Cas back, his Cas, his speech reverts to factory settings, back to established patterns, well-worn trails through the brambles of everything that has happened between them since one night in a barn full of sigils.

“Cas, please stay. I need you, remember? I – I need you.”

He can see Cas struggling to speak, struggling to even keep those beautiful blue eyes open, while the light behind them is being eclipsed.  
A single word bubbles up amidst blood and painful, stabbing huffs of breath. Castiel’s gravelly voice has lost substance, has lost volume.

“Dean…”

Dean doesn’t know how Castiel does it, how he manages to say a world’s worth of words in just one name, when Dean trips over a simple three-word message.

And it isn’t enough; it isn’t fair that he’s finally worked up the nerve to tell Cas in a million and one ways how he feels, only for the sand in their hourglass to run out. It isn’t fair that Castiel will never hear what he deserves to know, that he is _loved_ , that he is _family_ , that he and Dean together could be _home_. But there’s no time. And this has to be enough.

_Dean._

_I need you._

When they finally get Cas back, three words are all Dean has to offer, and they’re not even the right three.

_Dean._

_I need you._

It’s not what Dean wanted to say. But it’s all they’ve had all along, a name and the shortest of prayers. 

And maybe they’ve both known for a while now, that what they really mean is “I love you” and “I love you too”.


End file.
